My name is Timmie and Im a full-time student at Berkeley City College. Right now my life is taking its toll on me. I got laid off about 2 years ago and started getting into trouble and depression. Ive suffered with depression for a long time and there's a history of it in my family. Recently Ive got involved with prostitution and gang members and I wanted to clear out all of the bad things in my life. Ive been feeling very doubtful in my self and the decisions I make arent always wise. My self-esteem has been low as well and I haven't been confident in loving myself. My parents are on the verge of kicking me out if I dont seek pyschotherapy or get help. I still want to live and get help. Problem is in the past I wasn't consistent with my counseuling and after an incident occured to me this week it changed my life. I was a prostitute and I was got in a car with a man and he almost could of killed me, luckily I was able to save myself..and I knew my life is important. Never again do I want to keep risking my life and the people who love me, and I really need help to focus more on school and on myself.
It sounds like you've had a really rough time. It seems like you might be in crisis right now, but I can't tell if the crisis has passed or you're still in it. If you have made a clear decision not to be involved in anything dangerous anymore, than you have taken a big step out of the crisis. It sounds like you have the potential to do so much more with your life, if you let yourself have it. Self-esteem issues can cause incredible destruction, even death, and I don't want that to happen to you. Occasionally self-esteem issues are resolved with anti-depressant medication, and since you have a genetic history, they might help you. In most cases, though, even when medication helps, people have to work through emotional issues that are hurting their self-esteem. That takes much longer than medication, but is necessary for most people struggling with their self-esteem.
Aside from genetics, the most common cause of self-esteem issues is parents, which makes me wonder if living with your parents is the healthiest thing for you. On the other hand, they may be holding you together at this point, which would make them very important, at least for now. I obviously need more information to know what to tell you.
Why have you been involved in prostitution and gangs? Do you need money? Is it out of self-hate? Is it for love? Or what? If they are providing something important for you, then it will probably be necessary to replace them with something less dangerous to provide the same function.
It sounds like you know what would ultimately make you feel best; we just have to figure out how to motivate you to do what is safe and replace what is dangerous with something comparable but safe. So let us know more, and maybe we can help you more.
