i have taken self assessments on the internet...but i am scared to go and see a doctor, incase he says im not depressed and i am just being silly...or that he says i am depressed and then i have to tell everyone.
i laugh at things that are sad..or cry when im happy. i think about how i will die and how my friends and family will react, mostly i think they will be happy to be rid of me. i have panic attacks and anxiety almost everyday, and i feel dead inside. i get so angry so easily..i yell at my dog, i used to love her but now i wish she would run away, i dont have any time for her and sometimes i feel like killing her...i feel like hitting and swearing at my parents as well. i dont want to be around anyone anymore,...i shut myself off in my room and watch tv most nights, or i play x-box and shoot people. but i love my work...i feel im happiest at work, and thats all i want to do..go to work.
but im not always unhappy or angry..sometimes i feel so happy, and when i do it feels so good...its like a break in the storm, but it only usually lasts a day or too, and when the anger and unhappieness comes back it feels worse then ever. i dont know what to do, i dont want to die...i dont know if this is depression...i always thought people who are depressed are constantly sad and nothing could make them happy, and they hurt themselves. i dont know whats wrong with me...and im kinda scared to find out
What you are describing sounds exactly like depression. People who are depressed don't necessarily feel that way every minute. You may find incredible relief with medication and counseling. If you are over 18, and in most cases over 16, your doctor will not tell anyone about your depression, so who you tell is up to you. There are a couple of exceptions, though. If you use insurance, the doctor or counselor will tell the insurance company. If the doctor or counselor think you will try to kill yourself immediately, they are obligated to tell whomever they need to in order to stop you. If the doctor or counselor think you will harm someone else, they are obligated to warn that person. Other than that, you don't need to worry about telling people.
Will you go see a counselor/therapist and a doctor about your symptoms? You really don't have to suffer like this. Please let me know what you do, or if you have any other questions.
Warmly,
Cynthia
Acid Queen
Guest
Jan 02, 2007
1:43 PM
i feel normal today. but really tired as well
see thats the thing...when i am depressed i dont want to go and see the doctor because i think he'll think im stupid, but when im normal or happy i forget what it feels like to be depressed, so i dont go to the doctor then either.
i printed off my first post in the thread, and i am planning to go and see a doctor...my mum told me told me the other day that im hurting her with my attitude.
in depression does your mood change almost everyday?? like you can go from depressed one day, to anxious the next...adn then really happy?
Anonymous
Guest
Jan 03, 2007
8:49 PM
the doctor i saw diagnosed me with anxiety disorder...and gave me some antidepressants to take. i hope they work
Shifting from depressed to anxious to depressed, with some breaks from all of it is common for depression. If in between you feel not just happy, but highly energetic, euphoric, full of ideas, talk without pausing, need no or little sleep and make decisions you regret when you are not in that mood, then you may have a bi-polar disorder, which is a form of depression, but with manic or hypomanic episodes. Probably that's not what you're having, especially if the doctor diagnosed you with an anxiety disorder, but I thought I'd mention it.
On the other hand, what you are dealing with doesn't sound like an anxiety disorder to me, so I am thinking you did not see a psychiatrist, but just your regular doctor. Psychiatrists are trained to diagnose this stuff and prescribe appropriately, and other doctors don't have the training or experience to do as good a job. An anti-depressant is the medication we have for depression, anxiety, and sometimes bi-polar, but there are many, and choosing the right one is tricky. If you can see a psychiatrist, I would strongly recommend it.
Any questions about any of this?
Warmly,
Cynthia
acid queen
Guest
Jan 04, 2007
1:56 PM
my dad told me not to take it, he said i should talk to a proper psychiatrist first, because the doctor doesnt know what he is talking about. my dad confused me more, he told me its all in my head, and will just go away if i stopped listening to depressing music (the music i listen to isnt that depressing anyway) or got a hobby. i think im fucking crazy, because i dont feel depressed or anxious at all right now...i just feel like an idiot, because now my entire family knows that the doctor put me on anti depressants.
I'm so sorry your father shamed you about the anti-depressants. So many people take anti-depressants, these days, it's a little amazing to me people still find shame in it. It seems your father and I agree on one point, though, that you should give a good psychitatrist a chance to figure out what is going on and what you need. If your father said that, then will he support you in doing that? If not, do you have to talk to anyone in your family about all this? Can you see a psychiatrist without any help from your family?
You don't sound crazy to me, but you do sound mistreated. No one should be shamed for suffering. Suffering is bad enough without people judging you on top of it. I just want you to get the relief you deserve, so you can feel as good as anyone else. Please try not to judge yourself for your own suffering. It would be great if you could talk to a good therapist to sort out how you feel and how to deal with what you are facing.
