Cynthia, I wanted to start by saying how incredible I think it is that you offer this forum and answer each person with such care and concern.How you find the time, I don't know. You are truly dedicated. After a year of therapy and medication, I am now on the journey of changing medications due to depression that does not seem to be going away.I sometimes wonder if I am ever going to get better or feel "normal" but in my heart I know that I will. It is getting out of my mind that is the tricky part. I feel like I am trying so hard, but keep going in circles. I often have the feeling that I am "being punished", but I can honestly say that I am one of the most kind and compassionate people I know and do not deserve this!! I have what I think is a very good psychiatrist, but cannot help but wonder why I am not "better". Why is it hard to see the accomplishments and only the failures? Does part of me like being depressed even though it feels so incredibly awful, that sometimes I don't want to live? Why would anyone choose to be in this state? Why do I care more about how my depression may effect others than myself? HOW DOES ONE REGAIN OR BEGIN A LIFE OF SELF ESTEEM??? I ordered a book, and workbook and journal, and will try again at self help, in addition to meds and therapy.What does it mean when someone is obsessed with self help? I'll stop posting now. I'm kind of just using this as a journal. Thanks and for those of you suffering from anxiety, there is light at the end of the very dark, very long, very lonely, scary tunnel. I suffered terribly from anxiety, and am now almost anxiety-free. I honestly can't say what I would be like without medication, but if medication can free you from that hell...go for it!!THERE IS HOPE. You do not have to live like that, but you've got to ask for help.I know how very scary that is, but it will be the begining of what can be an anxiety-free life.I also challenge those of you with anxiety to look at your alcohol consumption. It wasn't until I became sober and was in therapy did I realize the connection between my drinking and anxiety-not only physically but mentally. With thoughts for you all. SS
