Hello Cynthia, I am 23 years old soon turning 24. I am currently feeling very anxious about every aspect of my life. Mainly my relationship and my career. I met my boyfriend when I was 21, we were friends for a while, dated and moved in together pretty quickly for financial reasons. Luckily, everything worked out and we enjoyed living with eachother were (and still are) madly in love. It's been three years since we've been together. I love him dearly and can see our future together but when I think about getting married and starting a future I panic. I have lost interest in sex almost entirely. I mainly worry about whether I am too young to be so involved. I see everyone my age dating and being so independent. The thing is, I have established such a great relationship with my SO, and I love him so much. I can realistically see a future with him and wouldn't want it with everyone else. The idea of leaving him or taking some time off brings me to tears. I panic when I think about these things. I don't want to date really, I honestly can't imagine holding another man's hands. Aside from that I dated so much before meeting him. But I am plagued with all of these doubts and concerns. I feel guilty and horrible having these thoughts. I just get so depressed and keep thinking that my relationship is the problem. My life has been so hectic too. I can't stand my job and can't seem to make a decision on whether or not to leave and look for another job. I feel guilty about wanting to leave because I feel obligated to my boss. But I hate working here and I hate what I do. I try to look for jobs but get easily discouraged. Then I worry I will fail. I can't go back to school because I'm not about to blow money on a degree I may never use. I am just so unhappy with my life right now. I feel like the only good thing I have is my boyfriend and I can't seem to appreciate him. I feel like I can't love him the way I'd like to. I've been on birth control for a few years now. I keep thinking all this depression and anxiety is due to it. Mainly because it feels like my depression got worse after starting birth control. I guess my main question is whether or not it's common to feel so disconnected from someone you love so much when you are depressed? Are my feelings about marriage and forever-ness just cold feet? Have you heard of depression and birth control being positively correlated? Are these feelings okay? I want to work all this out but I don't know where to begin. I feel like I just can't trust myself or my decisions anymore, I've never been that way.
How confusing and lonely and difficult to deal with all this must be for you. Ok, I will try to answer each of your questions. Yes, birth control pills can be associated with depression, especially for those prone to depression. You definitely owe it to yourself to see what happens without them. Do this with a good doctor's advice, though.
Depression can and does change how people feel about their loved ones, and even how they think about their loved ones. It can also undermine sexual interest. Determining whether the depression is causing these issues, or the issues are causing the depression, or something else is causing both is the confusing part.
You could be having cold feet, but not being interested in sex is a good reason to have cold feet. Individual and/or couples counseling should help you sort through your thoughts and feelings about your SO, look back at what caused what, and see what might be connected to what your parents taught you about love. The answers are most likely inside you, but you, like most of us, may need help to find them.
There is nothing wrong with your feelings--they are essential to your understanding what you need, and to resolving issues. Getting good counseling now can prevent much worse problems later. Among other possibilities, depression very often breaks up relationships, so it's best to intervene now, when things are mostly positive between the two of you. Let me know if I haven't answered all your questions.
Warmly,
Cynthia
Last Edited by Cynthia on Jan 23, 2006 11:03 PM
