I looked at your tools for depression, but I am not really better, although I do appreciate your excellent advice. I have fought depression most of my life. I was recently diagnosed with an ulcer and have been very ill, not only from the ulcer but also from the 3000mg of antibiotics (daily for 14 days) necessary to treat it. In addition, I have had unexplained horrific itching, migraine headaches, bronchitis (four times since last November...last bout started last week) and, of course, a yeast infection. Worst of all.....I gained 17 pounds in 6 weeks. The doctor attributes all of the above (except the yeast infection) to stress and a weakened immune system.
I know I am depressed but I do not want to take medication. I attribute my first 20 pound weight gain to Zoloft. In the past few years I have gone from petite to blimp. I have, in the past, been an avid walker. Right now, I don't feel as if I have the stamina to go to the mailbox which is right outside my front door.. It is difficult to determine how much of this is physical and how much is mental. I have always, despite depression, been able to function, even excel in my field, but right now I feel depleted and defeated. I was an educator for 29 years and retired last year thinking I would start my own business. After an entire year...I have done absolutely NOTHING to further that goal. But I have been actively involved in several situations where I was able to assist friends and family members in crisis. I don't regret that. It just seemed to all get out of balance and somehow, in the process, I lost a big part of myself.
The link with the info about sugar/potato sounds good and I think that will help once I can find the energy to actually get started being more proactive in my own life. Right now, it is a MAJOR chore to make a list and go to the grocery store. I would love to get out and walk right now . Six weeks ago I was walking an average of 2 miles a day.but I live in Arizona and it is as hot as hell .... even early in the morning. I have absolutely no tolerance for heat right now. . Also, I do not trust my physical strength to get me around the block and back.
Currently, I am always on the verge of tears. Obviously I am feeling pretty pathetically sorry for myself. I am in a hole that I can't seem to climb out of. Every time I think I am making a little headway---BAM..something comes along and I go backwards/downwards 10 steps. I have actually felt as if I will not survive for very long if something doesn't change. And NO, I am absolutely not contemplating suicide. I feel as if I am just fading away. Have you ever heard of that before?
I do appreciate your interest and I apologize for writing this missive.
Thank you. Stuck
Last Edited by Guest on Jul 30, 2005 12:22 AM
You have a lot going on--it would be great if someone could do a wholistic assessment and treatment of all of it together (physical and emotional stuff). Accupuncture is good for immune system building--is that a possibility for you? Yes Potatoes Not Prozac is great for depression--if you're interested, definitely look into it. Especially with taking antibiotics--if you're eating sugar too, the imbalance in brain chemistry this is likely to cause could be part of your current level of depression. You should certainly be taking acidophilus, and look into Radiantrecovery.com (the website for Potatoes Not Prozac).
From your description, it seems like there is the life-long depression to address in the longer term, and the immediate crisis you are in now. Let's start with the short term stuff. There are so many things you can try to get out of the crisis, but I don't know you well enough to know what will work. One question I have is did your handling other people's needs deplete you to this point with all the physical stuff you're also dealing with and your vulnerability to depression? Giving or caretaking beyond your limit is a sure trigger for depression in someone who's prone. If so, part of the healing will need to come from getting filled back up yourself--nurture and get nurtured. Do you have people close to you who can help with your depression?
Usually in crisis it is helpful to follow a schedule. If you have anyone to help you, perhaps they can help you write out a schedule, and/or commit to walking with you (or using a home exercise alternative--even dancing, jumping rope, or going up and down stairs--if you don't have air conditioning, go to a mall or store and walk up and down stairs, or perhaps a friend can take you to their gym as a guest for a week or two--if you like it, you could sign up). If at all possible, exercise should be fun--do it with a friend, do something you like, walk past people and/or scenery, dance to music you like, whatever works--enjoying exercise is the most important part of exercise because it makes or breaks whether or not you continue to do it. If people can't commit to coming to you, ask them to commit to phone calls at certain times in your schedule. I am very pragmatic--I say do whatever works--forget about "should"'s.
Let me know how it goes, and if you have more questions for me. How would you feel about my posting this on the forum, so others would benefit from your experience? I don't want to if you have any discomfort with it.
Warmly,
Cynthia
Last Edited by Guest on Jul 30, 2005 12:22 AM
Anonymous
Guest
Jul 30, 2005
12:17 AM
Dear Cynthia,
Thank you so much for your detailed response. You are so kind to offer such detailed and well thought out advice. I found it was especially interesting that you suggested accupuncture. My daughter, who lives about an hour from me has recently started accupuncture, for an entirely different issue, and she has found it to be very helpful. We actually have been trying to locate an accupuncturist closer to my home. I will be more diligent in trying to locate someone because I am very concerned about restoring my immune system. I am taking 2 tablespoons of acidophilus/probiotic daily, too.
To answer your question, yes when I am taking care of someone, I give too much. I often have a tendency to go a little over the top. ( I often worked 60 hours a week at a 40 hour a week job. When I drank alcohol; I often drank too much....quit that several years ago.) The health issues became apparent when my husband and I both had bronchitis in June. It was while we were both ill, that a family member came and asked for our help. We were trying to get help for a baby and her mom, who is a long time drug abuser. I am sure you know these situations can be horrific as well as heart breaking.
A few day prior to being diagnosed with the ulcer, my husband became very ill and was in terrible pain for 9 days with kidney stones Then, as I described in the earlier email, I developed was one physical problem after the other...some simultaneously. . The other issues that we were dealing with didn't let up during this time either. We had crisis after crisis after crisis. The mom isn't using right now, she is going to a free psychiatric clinic and we have made great strides in providing some other resources to help get her back on her feet emotionally and physically. The baby is being evaluated, this week, via an early childhood intervention program.. I always knew that I had very limited control over what happened other than trying to supply resources, emotional support and transportation but I thought about it (obsessed?) 24/7. My doctor (who is great) and my husband (who is very loving) has convinced me that I have to just to do the best I can and let the rest go. I think I am doing much better in that area. It helps that I no longer fear for the child's safety. That was maddening. Also, this is just one of several very stressful situations we have had in the past ten months; including 3 deaths in the family.
I have a history of hypoglycemia and know that sugar is and always will be my enemy. But I was eating more carbs and sugar while I was sick because those foods were comforting and convenient. Also, I take estrogen. I know that hormone replacement therapy is controversial and I have tried to do without it. When I did stop taking it, even though I did it gradually and replaced it with more natural substances, I had such strong emotional/depression issues that my gynecologist and I decided that continuing to take Premarin was worth the risk. I have read that antibiotics can play havoc with hormones as well so that may have contributed to the problem.
After reading your tips and visiting Radiantrecovery.com; I came up with a plan. I am ingesting at least 80 grams of protein daily ( a little more than recommended). very few carbs and absolutely no refined sugar. I have also been taking a diuretic and potassium. I lost 61/2 pounds in 4 days which had to have been fluid. I am taking a multivitamin, B12 and B complex, chlorophyll, calcium and 5-HTP which I believe has helped, too. I was not taking any supplements except calcium during my illness thinking that they might intensify the problem. I already feel much better. I believe getting the refined sugar out of my diet helped tremendously.
Yes, I have lots of support. I am blessed to have a wonderful family and friends.....a great support system. Trouble was....I like helping them, I just don't like to ask them to help me. I realized that was selfish so I have shared my feelings with a few people that I feel that I can really trust. Actually, my faith/.personal relationship with God is normally very strong but I was also neglecting that aspect of my life, too. You know, Cynthia, I am always telling other people to "put on their oxygen masks first" but that is where I totally dropped the ball myself.
My husband went with me and I signed up for a year at an activity center, about 5 minutes from my home, which offers water aerobics, a gym and other exercise classes such as tai chi. I went for the first time today and spent about 30 minutes on the treadmill. I also spoke with the personal trainer and hope to start doing some strength training soon. I have arranged to take my 88 year old neighbor to the center for a water arthritic exercise class at 8 AM on Mon., Wed. and Fri. at the center. I can work out in the gym while she has her class and, hopefully, we will both feel healthier.
I don't mind you posting anything, on the forum, that either of us has written but I would rather that you didn't use my real or email names, I hope that you understand. Just wanted you to know that things are looking much brighter. Your interest, advice and just knowing that you are available helped tremendously. I have had counseling, in the past, which was very helpful. No matter how hard you work to put childhood abuse and trauma behind you, there are always scars or at least scar tissue. I think that makes a person just a little more fragile than the "average bear." I just have to work a little harder to keep my life in balance. I am really making a commitment to: spend more time with God each day, eat nutritious food, exercise and do something fun and/or creative every chance I get. Helping others, is healthy too, and I really want to continue that ...I will just have to be sure that I " put on my oxygen mask first."
Thank you ever so much, Cynthia. If you don't mind, I will keep your email address handy in case I find myself slipping again.
Wow! Your progress since your first e-mail is absolutely inspirational! I think I must call you "Un-Stuck" now. Thank you for being willing to share your story with others, because it may save some lives.
The committments you've made to yourself, and the resources you've found are certain to help. I couldn't have put together a better plan for you, and doing it yourself when you're feeling so run-down, sick and depressed must be very hard.
Please, please do let me know if there's anything I can do, or check in just to tell me things are going well, if you want to! Some life-long depressions require tools for prevention of depression and maintenance of a stable mood as a life style. I'm currently writing an e-book describing a range of tools for this purpose, and you mentioned several of them in your plan.
Have you ever considered Al-Anon (or Coda)? It can be very helpful when you are relating to an addict. It helps you learn how to stop giving before it starts to take a toll on you. For many people, it's great to get support from others going through the same thing. Saying "no" to a person in pain is so hard for a loving person like you, but not saying "no" can destroy you.
I sincerely hope that the abundance of challenges life has sent you lately are behind you, and that you will get to enjoy the "good karma" you deserve as a result of your good deeds and loving heart.
Warmly,
Cynthia
lost love
Guest
Oct 17, 2005
7:46 PM
dear cynthia, i am only 22 yrs old and i suffer from depression. i have been taking celexa for the past year and a half. Last year i lost my best friend/ boyfriend. he died form an overdose i was devestated. i wanted to die. this was no puppy love. we had been dating for 3yrs and we had known each other for the past 7yrs. i knew he did drugs and for some odd reson i was ok with it well not to much but it didnt bother me as much, i never have done drugs. we were the same age. he passed away on june 28,2005. we were planning a trip to jamaica maybe even to get married. anyways he passed on i will never forget that phone called at 8 o'clock in the morning. that day my love for life ended and depression started to get worse. i quit my job and school. didnt want to do a singel thing. i even moved out of my parents house. i didnt want anything i mean anything. i hated life, i hated everyone and every couple that i would see. man, you should have seen me before this i was at the peak of my life. i had the boyfriend of my dreams he was smart not doing drugs anymore and his family loved me. i was also going to college the first in my family to do so. and i had a brand new niece to care for. life was great. i was the best daughter i did everything my parents asked for and my grades were ok. i had graduated high school and was not pregnate. now i hate life my self esteem went down the hill at about 95mph. my love for life was not there. all i wanted to do was sleep i mean all day and night sleep. as i write i lose interest on my writing and everything else. soooo about a year later i decided to start dating, he was great. he was everything my ex wasnt. he goes to college graduated and works. he has no bad habits and loves me alot. but that was it he loves me and i was still in love with my ex. i want him back sooooo bad it hurts. i still dont want to do anything. my school is suffering alot to. what can i do?
I am so sorry to hear that you have been suffering so much for so long! It is normal to grieve--to feel sad and angry, and sometimes regretful, or guilty, or hurt or any other feelings when we suffer a terrible loss. It sounds like you may have a "complicated grief" you're struggling with, though. Something seems to be preventing your grieving from healing you, as it's supposed to do. There are many reasons this could happen. One is if you don't let yourself feel and express the sadness and anger and any other feelings. This often happens in our culture, where most people feel pressure to be done with their grieving after about two weeks. This is entirely too short for the losses you experienced (not just the love of your life, but your dreams for the future, your identity as part of a couple with him, and many other pieces of your life that changed or disappeared when he died).
Another reason people have complicated grief is if they feel guilty--blame themselves for something that can never be resolved because the person you'd resolve it with is gone forever.
With what little you've told me, I can only take a wild guess, but that guess would be that you are stuck in your grief because your love's death was so traumatic for you. Trauma--sudden painful shocks that overload your system with emotion--causes people to freeze part of themselves in time. War veterans, for example, get flashbacks, and nightmares about the traumatic experiences of war, years after the war is over. Each flashback or nightmare makes the traumatic incident feel as if it is occurring in the present, rather than the past. This leaves them in essence stuck in the past.
In any case, I would strongly advise you to find a therapist to talk to about this. You don't have to keep suffering, and keeping your life on hold for many more years, if you can get the help you need. You might consider finding a therapist who is very skilled in EMDR, which is a very effective treatment for trauma.
Let me know if you have any other questions, and what you end up doing. Your heart can be free again; don't stop trying until it is!
Warmly,
Cynthia
Anonymous
Guest
Oct 31, 2005
1:22 PM
I am a 48 year old woman who has sufferred from depression for about 5 years now. It started as my kids became teenagers. They weren't turning out how I wish they would of. I tried using some medication but it seemed to make the situation worse, I am not suicidle but I would like my life to be over so I dont have to be responsible for anyone or anything. I used to be a strong woman and now I'm a bowl full of jello. Any advise to see how I can get my life together again. I may go check my self in for a psychiatric evaluation in a hospital;
Wow, that's a lot of pain for a long time. I do hope you get some help, and a psychiatric evaluation can sometimes help. I don't know enough to know what's going on, but it sounds like you are telling yourself you are a bad mother, and have failed at the one thing you wanted most to do right. If that is what's going on in your head all the time, it could certainly be the cause of your depression. However, a chemical imbalance, including hormonal changes that happen in perimenopause (up to several years before your last period) could also cause you to think of yourself as a failure.
Whether or not you go to a psychiatric hospital, find a good therapist to get a thorough assessment of what might be causing your emotional pain, and what might return you to forgiveness, self-love, and enjoyment of life. Please get help soon; there's no need for you to suffer another five years like this--most people suffering from depression can be helped with treatment. Also, please let me know if you have any other questions, or if there's anything else I can do. And let me know when you've found help.
Thank you!
Cynthia
Jessica
Guest
Nov 10, 2005
4:06 PM
Dear Cynthia, I hate my life. Ive gained alot of weight.Iam married to a man who hits me. I want to get away but can't. I feel the need to drink evryday and do drugs sometimes just to escape my horrible life. My husband treats me like a child and he doesn't respect me. I just want to die. I would have killed myself earlier but i have 2 kids that I love to death. When I try to leave he threatens to kill me or take my girls (which would kill me too) Im stuck hating myself and being depressed. im pretty sure you won't be able to help me, but Im desprate. The only way I would be happy is if I left safely with my girls. Help Me!
Many, many women have found themselves in a life similar to yours, and some of them turn it around. One of the ways that happens, is when the women call a woman's shelter, or related agency. You should get someone on the phone who understands exactly how you feel, what danger you and your girls are in, and what to do about it. Shelters are in secret locations, so your husband can't find you. There are other options for protection too. The hardest part is giving yourself a chance for a good life, when you don't think you deserve it. If you can't do it for you, do it for your girls. Let me know if you have trouble finding a shelter, or women's crisis line or rape crisis center, or anything like that connected to a shelter for women and their children.
Nobody deserves to be beaten, put down, terrorized, and watching all that is hurting your children. You deserve to be free and treated with respect. If you can't believe that yet, know that the best thing you can do for your daughters is to show them your strength--as parents we have to find strength inside we could never find for ourselves. If you get help, get out, and then get professional care for the girls' emotional wounds, and for yours, for your substance and food abuse, and your depression, you will be giving your girls a chance to make those choices for themselves--to find their own strength, so they don't end up suffering like you have been. Please don't wait--domestic violence is very dangerous, and kills every day. Your daughters need you--you have to live so you can take care of them. Please let me know what you decide.
